1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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