I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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