I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
