I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
