I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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