so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she smelled like a LAN party
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
