Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
