After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
