I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
