Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
