a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
