Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
