Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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