I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
