I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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