so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
