there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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