Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i out mim tonsoeep
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