Old men and throwing up are my life now.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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