Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
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her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
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4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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