He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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