im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
