your parents love me but you hate me
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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