why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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