i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
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I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
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Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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