woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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