Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
