I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
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the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
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One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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