I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
