dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
