if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
