we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Sorry my hands just texted you
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
