i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
