i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
