Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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