do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
