Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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