These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
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I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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