Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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