Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
