We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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