y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
