I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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