One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
