She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
