He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
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It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
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My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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