What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you inspire me to be a worse person
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
