If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The Olympian is in my bed
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
