But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My vagina is officially offended.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
