Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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