Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
