Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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