i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
