wat bout pragnant strippers??
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
