you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
