I'm so fucking centered right now
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize