It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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