I swear she didn't look like that last week.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
