This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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