You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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