I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
