After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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