my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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