girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
