The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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