I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
