I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
