apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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