I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
